seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
