ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
