it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
