If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
