So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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