I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
