Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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