i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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