i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
