Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize