I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
