Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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