so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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