Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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