My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
