Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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