I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
