No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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