Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
