If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize