Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
