Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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