I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
