Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
