And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
