i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
