i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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