Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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