Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
