can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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