So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
