Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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