He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
