This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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