Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
