New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
