I heard we made out
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
