i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
