When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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