do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
