New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
