She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
