If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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