sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
