i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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