I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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