mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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