He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
