I think my fart just growled at me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
