apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
