Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
