life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
