apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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