I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
