I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
