just tell him i said nine months
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
