i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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