So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
