i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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