Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
