Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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