just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
