girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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