my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
