If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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