I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
