You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need a beard to bite.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
false alarm, still single
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
