You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
