Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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