I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
