Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
