i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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